Bank robbers, and robbery have been marginalized for a long time, the job of robbing a bank has never gotten its deserved accolades except in holly-wood movies, and despite it being a job that required lots of planning, preparation and very large balls, in place of awards and Oscars its unsung heroes and martyrs, were given long jail terms, and death sentences, today we destroy this stereotype-ism on bank robbers with some bank money robbers memes

Take time to prepare and strategies

Remember the saying he who fails to plan, plans to fail. Robbery is an art, a very dangerous one, and like every other artist you have to spend more time on preparing and planning, more than the actual time spent on the robbery itself, during the planning stage you must get structural blue prints on the bank you plan to rob, have awesome sex “it might be your last”, play GTA (Grand Theft Auto), the game is literally a robbery simulation and remember to watch the movie series La casa de papel or Money heist, you will be surprised what you will learn from the series,

Steal only the old bank notes

New notes have bad luck, never touch those during a bank robbery, even if the notes looks crispy and inviting as hell, an exception to this rule is if you plan to get a jail term so you can break out your brother from a Fox river state penitentiary like Micheal Scofield did in prison break movie series, banks don’t keep record of their old notes, this means old bank notes are impossible to trace once you start spending them.
Another exception to this is if you plan to print your own notes, with an unregistered serial number, this also makes it impossible for the robbery to be traced back to you,

Find the perfect heist team

It’s almost impossible to rob a bank alone, there are security personnel on guard always that will call for backup, and except if you are Chuck Norries you wouldn’t be able to fight your way through a SWAT team alone, get a team of like minds on of your team member should be left behind to manage the robbery operations from outside and build alibi, which will be very useful once the cops starts sniffing close to you, a perfect robbery team includes an explosive expert, a computer hacker, a get-away driver, and a sharp shooter, whit this kind of team you can rob the bank of heaven.

Have sex with a cop

You have to get a cop on your side before proceeding with the job, so you can squeeze out useful information that would prove useful later on, the easiest way to do this is to have meaningful sex with a ranking police officer, if the target is a male then a female member of the gang should be giving this job, if otherwise and target is female, the responsibility should go to a male member of the gang, a cute one.
The can only be complications if target is gay, and you are all straight males, in that case you might have to up pick the soap bruh,

Don’t sleep on the job

Try imagine falling asleep in the crime scene, after successfully robbing the place only to be woken by the police, sounds impossible right, As funny as it may sound, it once happened in central Germany when a man fell asleep mid robbery, the man was obviously high and under the influence drugs and was found sleeping like a baby on a sofa, by the owners of the home he burgled, to cut the long story short the man was eventually caught and sentenced to continue his sleep in prison.

Be friendly and make a good impression

As you are walking into a bank to execute the heist, you must be the happiest person and show it, you must be sure of the goodies, that will accompany you back home.

Say hi to the guards, a handshake wouldn’t be bad, once you are in, smile and chat with the bank cashiers before the operation even begins, just try make as much good impression as possible, remember you are a professional at this, the cashiers are your customers, and customers are always right.

Now, its action time… everyone down! chest on the ground, eyes closed! it’s pass-over time! You can giggle a little, don’t make it too scary. Afterwards, say a few kind words, make sure the words are reassuring. words like: We are gonna be rich today, nobody is gonna die, talk to them about your plans for that day, make it as interesting as possible who knows you might end up with a convert or probably full support from the people working in the bank.

Shop for the right robbery mask

Mask? yes, mask. you will be needing a mask. there is the need to pick an awesome robbery mask, one that suits you and your style, it must depict your inner character. You definitely can’t afford to be your real self during the heist, that’s why you should pick a mask you are comfortable wearing, not one that will freak you out when you see a reflection of yourself in the mirror,

Some good masks to pick from are mickey mouse, or Jokers mask, if you would like to scare the hell out of people, use a mask of Jesus Christ, and to make a memorable entrance famous dali mask, would be much more useful, the mask does the introduction for you.

Have a zero criminal record

You have to have a clean record, not compulsorily, but it’s important you are not a regular robber, one who is already wanted for crimes. Anyways, you can be a crime lord, the experience will go a long way.

On a serious note, you have to be someone with some reputation,not necessarily wealthy. You must be a person that those who stay around you can boast of. Some one who has shown a level of love and kindness to his fellow human in whatever way, either on a large scale or mini scale. it actually gives you external support as you are in bank robbing. i.e those who know you when they watch you on t.v ( if it ever gets to this point), will be able to defend your actions or know that something must have led to it.

Of course, you will never get caught, but if you make a silly mistake, you could get caught. if you are caught, do not panic because victory awaits you. The fact you are a law abiding citizen or a philanthropist, you are bound to win the case when charged to court. Your lawyer can say you had a mental disorder. Believe me, bail becomes involved and within minutes you are a free man once again.

Get your timing right

You cannot just walk into a bank and successfully rob it at anytime of the day. you have to plan and get when the time right, you wouldn’t want to rob an over crowded bank, neither do you wanna rob a bank that has already moved out its cash for the day.

Robbing a bank requires planning the whole scenario to the last. There must be perfect timing and it’s management must be accurate. It is best to rob a bank when they have less people in there, you could also carry out a robbery when you are sure the guards are about have their shift, when most of the bank attendants are on lunch break or recess.

Remember time is money. You do not want to lose it.

Shop for the right fire-arms and weapon

The quantity of a successful bank robbery will always be determined the type of artillery and fire-arms used during the heist.

Popular weapons of choise for a perfect money heist are the Uzi, thompson submachine gun, and browning M2 machine gun (Ma Deuce). get all of this for a bank job and your name will surely be on the world bank heist hall of fame list

Don’t try this at home, bank or anywhere…

1 COMMENT

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